The Last Battle
by DarkWizard-Otaku
Summary: A parody of the Last Battle in Harry Potter. What would the Last Battle be like if Jerry Springer was there. This is what I imagined. Reviews appreciated


The Last Battle

_Voldemort's voice reverberated from the walls and floor, and Harry realized that he was talking to Hogwarts and to all the surrounding area, that the residents of Hogsmeade and all those still fighting in the castle would hear him as clearly as if he stood beside them, his breath on the back of their necks, a deathblow away._

"_You have fought," said the high, cold voice, "valiantly. Lord Voldemort knows how to value bravery._

"_Yet you have sustained heavy losses. If you continue to resist me, you will all die, one by one. I do not _

_wish this to happen. Every drop of magical blood spilled is a loss and a waste._

"_Lord Voldemort is merciful. I command my forces to retreat immediately._

"_You have one hour. Dispose of your dead with dignity. Treat your injured._

"_I speak now, Harry Potter, directly to you. You have permitted your friends to die for you rather than face me yourself. I shall wait for one hour in the Forbidden Forest. If, at the end of that hour, you have not come to me, have not given yourself up, then battle recommences. This time, I shall enter the fray myself, Harry Potter, and I shall find you, and I shall punish every last man, woman, and child who has tried to conceal you from me. One hour."_

These were the thoughts he awoke to as a gasp came out of him. Memories came rushing back to him as he greedily took air into his lungs. The talk with Neville, him dying, the conversation with Dumbledore, and Kings Cross. He was lightheaded but he felt elated with happiness, he had done it! He had successfully destroyed the hocrux and he knew what had to be done. He would end this...

_Harry sped between duelers, past struggling prisoners, and into he Great Hall._

_Voldemort was in the center of the battle, and he was striking and smiting all within reach. Harry could not get a clear shot, but fought his way nearer, still invisible, and the Great Hall became more and more crowded as everyone who could walk forced their way inside._

_Harry saw Yaxley slammed tot he floor by George and Lee Jordan, saw Dolohov fall with a scream at Flitwick's hands, saw Walden Macnair thrown across the room by Hagrid, hit the stone wall opposite, and slide unconscious to the ground. He saw Ron and_

_Neville bringing down Fenrir Greyback. Aberforth Stunning Rookwood, Arthur and Percy flooring Thicknesse, and Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy running through the crowd, not even attempting to fight, screaming for their son._

_Voldemort was now dueling McGonagall, Slughorn, Kingsley all at once, and there was a cold hatred in his face as they wove and ducked around him, unable to finish him -_

_Bellatrix was still fighting too, fifty yards away from Voldemort, and like her master she dueled three at once: Hermione, Ginny and Luna, all battling their hardest, but Bellatrix was equal to them, and Harry's attention was diverted as a Killing Curse shot so close to Ginny that she missed death by an inch -_

_He changed course, running at Bellatrix rather than Voldemort, but before he had gone a few steps he was knocked sideways. _

"MRS. WEASLEY, MRS. WEASLEY" A male voice rang out in the hall. Harry was spun around as a person with a microphone sped past. He was continually turned in a circle as person after person ran past him. The men and women that looked like a camera crew finally got to their destination and Harry was able to compose himself. He fixed his cloak and looked towards the ruckus where a 66 year old man held a microphone in front Mrs. Weasley's face. He sat in a chair across from Molly's who looked rightfully flustered and beside he was Bellatrix who looked confused but equally crazy.

"woooooooooo .o.k now lets do this. Mrs. Weasley what seems to be the problem?" with the reminder of her daughter Molly's face grew red and she pointed at Bellabitch.

"That bitch killed my son and now she wants my daughter too!"

Bellatrix just let out a high pitched laugh in Mrs. Weasley's face. Students rushed forward to silence her but guards kept them back, except Mrs. Weasley who ran like a bat out of hell.

"No get back get back she's mine!" Mrs. Weasley screamed in rage. They began to duel with Jerry in the middle who was dodging death itself. "What will happen to your children when I've killed you?" Bellatrix taunted Mrs. Weasley, "When Mummy's gone the same way as Freddie?"

"How does that make you feel?" Jerry said to Mrs. Weasley while dodging a curse. "You will never touch my children again!" She yelled to the screen and the filthy witch. "And what do say to the accusation of child molestation Bellabitch? Jerry asked. Bella laughed again into the camera, her eyes crazed.

"I hope you know how annoying that is." Jerry said to her. Mrs. Weasley sent a killing curse right at her and Jerry barely missed it. Once he turned he just saw the cackler hit the ground. Jerry gained his footing and while dusting his pants he said to himself. "Dang they should of made her the joker"

Jerry looked in the camera. "I'm sorry folks but we can't stop stuff like this it's live, it's war, and I know you LOVE IT!" he yelled.

McGonagall, Kingsley and Slughorn blasted backward, flailing and writhing through the air, as Voldemort's fury at the fall of his last, best leutenant exploded with the force of a bomb, Voldemort raised his wand and directed it at Molly Weasley

"Protego!" roared Harry, and the Shield Charm expanded in the middle of the Hall, and Voldemort stared around for the source as Harry pulled off the Invisibility Cloak at last.

The yell of shock, the cheers, the screams on every side of :"Harry!" "HE'S ALIVE!" were stifled at once. The crowd was afraid, and silence fell abruptly and completely. The two were completely shocked when they were thrown into chairs across from each other.

"Mr. Potter here and Mr. Voldemort have been enemies since Mr. Potter was a baby. And all because of a prophecy. Now is there anything you'd like to say Mr. Voldemort" Jerry said calmly.

"yeah" Voldemort's face twisted into an ugly sneer, "die brat."

"shut up Snake face"

"four-eyes"

"Moldywarts"

"Momma's boy"

"At least my mom loved me. You were so ugly at birth, your mom named you Shit Happens."

"Yo mama so stupid she tried to alphabetize a bag of M&M's."

" Yeah, well with a face like that you look in the mirror your reflection turns to stone."

"Your so dumb you tried to drown a fish"

"Your so dumb you actually made that insult" Harry said while sticking his tongue at Voldemort.

Voldemort sputtered in indignation before jumping to his feet. Harry also got to his feet. Voldemort and Harry looked at each other, and began, at the same moment, to circle each other.

Jerry put his face in the camera.

"I'm sorry but that's all we've got for you folks. We've run out of time. I'm sure you'll hear everything else in the news. Goodbye."


End file.
